He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
