I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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