if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Life is so much better after having sex.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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