In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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