I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
