That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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