so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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