New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
