New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
