Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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