I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
