So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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