the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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