This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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