if you like me you must not know who I am
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
