I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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