I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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