my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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