Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
