life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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