Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
