you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
