He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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