Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
