I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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