You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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