I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
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Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
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What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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