Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
We left the knife in your bed.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
