she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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