At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
