This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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