We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
foreskin is a definite game changer
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Randomize
