I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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