So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
