Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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