My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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