3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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