I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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