Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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