Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
