yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
