About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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