I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
