If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
