We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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