i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
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