Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
