Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
