i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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