Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
