Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
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I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
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He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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