Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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