I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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