Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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