i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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