every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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