Sacagawea was the original milf.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
