2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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