I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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