I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
