she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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