RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
