He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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