just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
