my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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