please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
