He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
