come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
