yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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