What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
