Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
