Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
