cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
