Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
she looked like the before picture.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
