the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Randomize
