Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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